Shielded by a canopy of trees, there once stood a lone red table between the courtyard and cafeteria of Cooper City High School (CCHS) and marked the centerpiece of an open grassy walking area. With it’s shady setting and central location, it served as a sanctuary for those who sat upon its grated benches. And at the time, during the 2019-2020 school year, it seemed to be a permanent presence at CCHS.
Mysteriously, construction was undertaken near the end of that school year, with The Table at its heart. At first, the surrounding palms seemed to diminish one by one. Next, The Table’s matching trash can was taken away. And, in the fullness of time, The Table was stripped from its rightful place.
Naturally, it was assumed that The Table would be returned after construction. As it seemed
that it had established a residency at CCHS; given its longevity and capability of withholding anything man or nature threw its way.
But upon student return for 2021 testing, and again in the 2021-2022 school year, The Table’s former residents were distressed and ultimately devastated to learn that it was still missing from its sanctuary under the sun. “That table was a staple part of enjoying my lunch break”, senior Julian Drada said, “and the fact that it was removed has greatly affected my physical and mental health”.
Those affected have been forced to relocate to a nearby bench, the only thing left in The Table’s place. With a maximum occupancy of four people, the bench only serves as a reminder of memories made, when The Table would often seat twelve. With an eerie, vacant platform lying where The Table once stood, the barrenness of this clearing is impossible to miss. As it reflects the emptiness felt in The Table’s wake.
The Table’s former occupants are lost without the communal atmosphere that the checkerboard-faced furniture always seemed to provide. “Quite frankly, I miss the table very much so,” senior Kevin Humphreys said, “It holds many memories very close to my heart, and it’s somber to see it has been ripped out from underneath us.”
Though the bench is a suitable replacement for these uncertain times, it drives one to question why the table was removed in the first place.
While rumors have circulated that there may have been reptilian involvement in its disappearance, these claims are unsubstantiated. With that being said, some students are still suspicious. For example, senior Ryan Espinoza claimed that, “Those reptoids stole the only sanctuary on the school.”
Robert Herzog, upon being questioned about the table’s disappearance, denied memory of The Table. However, he made the assurance that he would investigate the matter quickly. With everyone back in school, and administration notified, perhaps The Table will indeed make a proper return to it’s loyal attendees. But many believe that there is still more than meets the eye. As senior Kacper Pers stated, “I’m sure there’s a good reason they took it away but it’s suspicious they haven’t put it back.”
This is a satirical article and should not be taken seriously. It was written with the intent of making people laugh. Any information here is most likely false and should not be quoted as fact. However, if this article is used for anything other than its recreational use, the writer and Cooper City High School claim no responsibility if anyone gets offended, injured or otherwise hurt in any way.